Oct 18, 2017
We have too many opinions to keep to ourselves! There's a new advice column for us to love, Listener Hub ideas a-brewin', and so many unwanted boners! Stick around:
I'm a cis hetero female married to a cis hetero male. We've been married for two years, together for three. Our sex life is great, except for the frequency. We have the same kinks, we have a rich fantasy life, and we both enjoy exploring the same 'new stuff.' When we have sex it's awesome and we're both satisfied. The problem is that I would be fine with having sex around once a week (sometimes less), while my husband would prefer sex 1-2 times per day. The past couple of months have thrown this discrepancy into a harsh light. My father was sick with cancer for two years before finally passing away in the Spring and I was one of his primary caregivers. I also started a new job with crazy hours (upwards of 80-90 hours), and only one day off per week. My husband owns his own business and has always had a crazy schedule. So we're lacking an abundance of available sexy time.
As an anxious person, it can be extremely difficult for me to get out of my own head enough to enjoy and be an active participant, especially in the past four months. For my husband, sex is a great stress reliever. In his weaker moments, he says that he's worried I don't find him attractive anymore or don't love him as much as I used to (not true). In my weaker moments, I tell him that he's only interested in me for sex and doesn't care about me as a person (also not true). I encourage him to masturbate and use porn as he desires, we've always watched porn in our sex life and we both watch it individually. He does that, and it helps, but he would obviously rather have sex with me. We're both happily monogamous, except for this current issue, and truly the rest of our marriage is great. We saw a premarital counselor and are trying to set-up appointments with them again (see crazy schedules above). What advice do you have for us to overcome this impasse? We're both doing our best but we just can't compromise on this.
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